I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
