I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
