why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
