im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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