So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
