I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
