Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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