i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
cat food counts as protein by the way
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
