Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
