Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
