you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
