last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Randomize
