it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
