he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
