if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
