I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
