I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How does one acquire holy water?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
