wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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