anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
