She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
