I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
