i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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