I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
