I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I believe in your delicious
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
