bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
