i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
