he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
