allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
