when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
