that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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