Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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