hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
