How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
