i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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