I met the friendliest cop last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
