No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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