My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
