Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
