my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
