I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I could fuck to npr.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
