you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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