Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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