i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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