In the future we'll all be gay
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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