Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
