I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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