Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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