I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
