i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
