Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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