I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
