Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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