that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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