We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
