I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
