Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
