The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
