i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
