Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
