Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
