like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
