you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He felt like a one man threesome
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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