I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
