He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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